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Heyyyy

D’s new thing:

D: Mama, draw train [hands me chalk]
Me: [draws train.]
D: [considers the drawing for a moment] Don’t like it. [erases my hard work.]

Hilarious jerk.  

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"Nowwww."

One of D’s favorite things is to explain how things happen step by step and then inexplicably finish it with a long, drawn out “nowwwww?” 

E.g. when explaining how the trains work: “Trains go fast, zoom zoom, make loud sound, trains stop, people get on, nowwwww?” lol, yes, somewhere, someone is getting on a train right now. 

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Best $10 I ever spent

Inexplicable month long terror of taking a bath finally overcome by some mr bubble bath and foam alphabet letters. Enormous sigh of relief

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Yes I am the kid’s mom

Me: [To fellow parent in the Barnes and Noble kids’ section] Your son is so cute!
Other parent: Thank you, so is yours. …He is yours, right?
Me: Yes
Other parent: You just look so young, like you’re his sister. 
Me: That’s the second time this week that someone has asked whether I’m the mom or the nanny, but I assumed it’s because we don’t look anything alike.
Other parent: Haha, yes, actually he doesn’t look much like you. Does he look like his dad?
Me: No. Anyway, your son is very cute! 

No one ever thinks he’s my kid. Normally I don’t care, but… D does this thing where if he’s unhappy, he says, “wanna go see mama” even if I’m RIGHT THERE. So if we’re in public and he’s screaming and I’m scolding him for screaming, he starts repeating, “Go see mama, wanna go see mama!” and people look at me like I’m some kidnapper or horrible evil nanny. 

Luckily most days he’s good and well-behaved. 

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Be right back

D’s new thing is to say, “D be right back; going Whole Foods get groceries.” Then he leaves the room for a bit and comes back and starts “making soup.”

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Aint too proud to bribe

Yesterday, on a whim, I tried to bribe D to poop on the potty. I knew he had to poop, so I took off his diaper and said, “Look, if you poop on the potty, I’ll give you ice cream.” 

"Mama. Poop on potty, get ice cream?" 

"Yes, if you poop on the potty, I’ll give you ice cream. You want to go poop on the potty now?"

"All done poop on potty." 

"But you’ll get ice cream."

"ALL DONE ICE CREAM." 

"Ok, all done ice cream." So here, I left the room to check on the dinner. 30 seconds later, he ran out of the room saying, "Poop! Poop! Poop!" I knew before looking that he didn’t poop on the potty, but what I thought was hilarious was that he still expected the ice cream. After I cleaned everything up, I had a sweet toddler face in mine saying, "Mama. Ice cream?" So much for "never a miscommunication" lol.  

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Dyadyas at the park

We were at the park and D was scooping up the pebbles (AGAIN with the pebbles!) and putting them in a pail when this other kid came over and dumped them all out. D looked a little surprised, but was unfazed. The dad came over and said, “Billy, no! We don’t disrupt other people’s stuff!” In protest, the kid picked up rocks and tossed them (not at anyone in particular, more to make a statement) and the dad said, “No, Billy! We don’t throw rocks!” So of course Billy did it again and again and again. The dad kept saying “NO NO NO” and smacked his hand a little. Then the kid ran away and the dad followed. D watched, enthralled, the whole time.

After they left, D followed them with his eyes for a bit. Then he leaned over to me and said, “Dyadya [said] *NIL ZYA*!!!” His narrations of stuff that happens around him are the best. 

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Face asking

D has taken to getting right in people’s faces to ask a question. Very, very sweetly. Eg, after he spent the day with my mom (during which he helped make cookies), I came to pick him up and was holding him on my hip when all of the sudden I had a smiling little toddler face right in mine saying, “Mama. More cookies?” (He’ll always say your name to get your attention first.) 

This morning, he talked to his stuffed dog the same way. He got nose-to-nose with the dog and said, “Dog. Play blocks?” 

I know I say this a lot, but this getting-in-your-face-to-ask-questions thing is THE cutest thing EVER, the end. 

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If I were a property manager, I would charge a kid deposit

The fact that you have to pay a pet deposit but not a kid deposit is starting to not make sense to me. 

Things cat partially/completely destroyed: 0

Things cat tried to destroy: 1

Things kid partially/completely destroyed: 5 (at last count)

Things kid tried to destroy: oh so much more… 

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Cookies!

D: Make cookies!

Me: You’re making cookies? What kind of cookies are you making? 

D: Rice cookies. 

Me: That actually sounds pretty yummy…